Culpable
by bandgrad2008
Summary: She's the one to blame.
1. See What We Did?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious, nor do I own that spray can you found down at the police station next to the graffiti...**

**A/N: Remember how I said I was working on a one-shot? Yeah...about that. I realize that I couldn't keep this as a one-shot, like I had originally planned 3 weeks ago. (I started writing this 3 weeks ago...but I just got around to adding.) I have writer's block, alright? **

**Anyway, I don't know what's up with my "crime-driven" Jori fics...but I guess that's what my mind wants to do. So, I give you this. **

Chapter 1

"I can't believe you made me do this!" she accuses, throwing her hands in the air and pacing back and forth in front of me. We're sitting in a holding cell, both of us flushed from running six blocks. I watch as she turns to walk the other way every few seconds and lean back against the wall, crossing my arms. "Why did I ever agree to this? I would have been fine, studying for my test, but no, you just had to climb in my window at one in the morning and tell me we were going to have fun."

"You agreed to it, Vega. And I didn't tell you to punch the woman in the face. You did that yourself."

She glares at me. "She was pointing a gun at you! I had to do something!" She shakes her head and resumes pacing. "I thought you said no one was going to be home. You didn't say there was a crazy old woman who was going to try to kill us." I laugh and she stares at me in shock. "Is this really funny? Are you _really_ going to laugh right now?"

I roll my eyes. "Vega, seriously, calm down. I thought the house was going to be empty. How was I to know that we were going to be attacked by a woman in her _eighties_ wielding a pistol? If I had known that, and if I had known you were going to brutally assault her, I _never_ would have suggested that house."

"I did not brutally assault her! I punched her once and that was to knock her out."

I chuckle. "So you finally punched someone in the face! How is that a crime?" Her glare is stabbing me. "Okay, so she was an elderly woman. You could have slapped her and she would have been out cold." She sinks onto the bench next to me and looks at her folded hands in her lap. "Alright, look. Your dad's a cop. Maybe he can help us get out of this…"

"Jade, my dad is the one who _arrested_ us. He's leaving us here for the night. Do you really think he's going to help us out?" She looks terrified and for the first time I feel guilty. "God, Jade…what if I killed that woman? I could…I couldn't live with myself."

Fuck, I hadn't thought of that.

_**Two hours ago…**_

"_Come on, it will be fun."_

_She stares at me like I'm out of my mind, and I can't blame her. I had never tried to drag her to do things like this, but with a smirk in place I'm confident she'll give in at some point. I know she'd done a few minor things, even if her dad _is_ a cop, but she couldn't say she didn't enjoy them. _

_Okay, so maybe this isn't exactly something minor. I know I'm risking it just by inviting her, but I'm bored and Beck is in Canada. Even if he were here, he never wants to do things like this. He would give me a lecture with reasons why what I would be doing was wrong. I don't need a parent; I need someone to have fun with. And I'm losing my patience with her._

"_You need to learn to live with risks. We both know you need to loosen up a little and quit being such the perfect good girl."_

_She rolls her eyes and sighs. "Fine, let's go." I smirk. That was easier than I thought it would be. I climb out onto the ledge outside her window and jump to the yard below. The half-Latina girl is at my side in less than a minute. "So where are we going anyway?" I shrug. There's an empty house about a mile south of Vega's house; we could hit that and get some valuables. The couple who lived there had gone on vacation and wouldn't be back until next week. How do I know that? My father was talking about them the other night at dinner. He hates them. "Do you know or are we just going in this particular direction for absolutely no reason at one in the morning?"_

"_Vega?" She looks at me. "You talk entirely too much. You're right, it's one in the morning, so please just shut up before someone hears us and calls the cops about two teenagers dressed in all black walking down the street." She frowns but keeps her mouth shut. Twenty minutes later we're standing at the end of a driveway to a white house. We jump the fence to the back yard and I squint through the window. The house is dark and the back door is unlocked. Idiots._

_I lead Vega into the house and search through the living room for something small and valuable. "What are you looking for?" she whispers. I shrug, opening the glass door on the entertainment system. There's just a bunch of junk. Where are the valuables? They're rich, right?_

_I hear the sound of a click just before Tori gasps. Freezing where I stand, I concentrate on the sound. Either she had found something and clicked it or someone is in the room with a gun. "What are you doing in my house?" a woman's voice asks. _

_So much for this house being empty._

_I slowly turn to face the woman, realizing she has to be at least eighty-something. And just for the record, not all elderly people shake. This woman has a steady arm and she could very well shoot with precision. "I…uh…"_

_Everything happens in the blink of an eye and next thing I know my arm is searing with pain and the woman is on the floor. Vega is alternating her gaze between her fist and the elderly woman, whispering "oh my god" over and over. I grab her wrist and drag her toward the front door, opening it and dragging her outside. I can hear sirens at least a couple of streets over as we run and I'm starting to get lightheaded. I slow down and glance at my arm. Blood paints my pale skin. "Jade!" Vega rush to my side. _

_I push her. "Go…" _

"Jade, are you there?" I look up at her. "God, I thought you went into shock or something."

I shake my head. "No, I was trying to remember what happened tonight." I raise my arm and wince slightly. Nothing had been done for my shoulder, except to stop the bleeding. When I woke up, I was here. "Vega…I'm sorry."

She shrugs. "No, you're right. I agreed to do this. I could have said no, thrown you out the window, and gone on with my night. But instead, I chose to do something criminal…"

"Vega." We both look at the guard and I push the half-Latina girl toward him. They speak quietly, her head bobbing at his words, and I pretend to be interested in my fingernails. I want to know what they're saying. Vega sighs with what seems to be relief and glances at me for a second before turning back to him. He shrugs and nods, walking away.

"What did he want?" I ask.

She crosses her arms. "The lady I punched will be fine. Apparently she's a hell of a lot tougher than she looked." She sighs. "But she's pressing charges. Jade, I'm being charged with assault and trespassing. She's charging you with trespassing." The guard returns with a handful of bunched up wet paper towels and hands them to Vega. "Thanks." She sits on my right and grabs my wrist, pushing up my sleeve and wiping the blood from my arm. I hiss in pain when she dabs around my wound. "This is going to ruin our records for sure." She laughs. "Yeah, now everyone will know a cop's daughter punched an elderly woman after breaking into her home."

"It's your first offense," I mutter. "Maybe it won't be so bad for you, you know. And if your dad _does_ help you, maybe you'll get off easier."

She shakes her head. "No matter what, I'll be worse off than you. You only broke into the house." She leans against the wall, eyes closed. "I didn't see that one coming." She laughs and I raise my brow. She can't see it anyway. "Did you do it on purpose, Jade? Were you trying to get me to fall? Was this some big plan to take me down?"

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, Vega, it's all some big plan to ruin your life." She opens one eye to peek at me. "No, it wasn't. The only thing I was _trying _to do was show you how to have fun. I never intended for us to get caught. I really did think the house was empty. And if it makes any difference, I did have fun until _this_." I point to my shoulder.

She nods and examines my shoulder. "I had fun until this happened too." She sighs and stands, crossing the cell to look through the bars. "How long are they supposed to hold us?"

"I'm guessing they'll hold us until someone decides to come and get us. But since we're being charged…"

"Vega, West, you have a visitor."

I frown as the guard brings someone behind him. Trina Vega stands there, her arms crossed. I stand and move to the bars. "You know, this really does seem like something Jade would do, but _Tori_? Why did you do it?"

"Just cut the accusations, Vega point one. We were just having a little fun."

The older girl rolls her eyes and stares at her sister, like she's thinking of something to say. Apparently she finds something. "Mom and Dad refuse to talk to you, and I honestly can't think of any reason to disagree with them. I wouldn't talk to you either, but here I am. Do you want to know why? I'm here because I couldn't just leave you here, even though I should. I know what you're being charged with. Dad told me. I just can't believe you'd be so stupid to do something like that. God, what were you thinking?"

"I swear to God, Trina, shut up. None of this was Vega's fault. I'm the one who dragged her out of the house at one in the morning to do something incredibly stupid, knowing that it was a risk to her perfect fucking record. She didn't do a fucking thing wrong, it was all me." The Vega sisters stare at me and I smile at Tori. "What, it's true. And you…" I glare at Trina. "If you didn't want to be here, why the fuck did you come here? You would obviously rather bitch at her than help her and she's already been through hell thinking about how fucked up her life is. So just shut up."

Trina turns to her sister. "You did this because of _Jade_? Does she know?" I raise my brow. Do I know what? Tori tries to shut her sister up, but Trina smirks and looks at me. "Did you know that Tori will do almost anything if _you_ ask her to?"

I glance at Tori, whose face is red. "Vega?"

"You didn't tell her, Tori? No wonder you're sitting here in a holding cell with her. As long as she's here too, you're fine, right? You definitely don't need my help."

"Trina, shut up."

I stare in confusion at the girl on this side of the bars. Just what in the hell is Trina talking about? She didn't say she would go with me just because I asked her to, did she? She came with me because _I_ wanted her to… "No…no, you can't." My voice croaks with the realization and Tori shakes her head at me before glaring at her sister.

"Go the fuck away," she snaps. Trina leaves, smirking the entire time. I return to the bench and stare at the Vega girl. "Jade, I…you weren't supposed to know. You weren't ever supposed to know."

I sigh. "Look, whatever…thing…you have for me, I don't…I can't reciprocate it. I have a boyfriend, one I love more than anything."

She nods. "I know. That's why I never intended for you to find out. But since Trina can't keep her mouth shut and you _do_ know, I guess you're going to keep hating me. You've got an entire new set of insults to use on me and I'm sure everyone at school will love to hear them." She stands and walks away from me. "And when we're through here, you can just go on with your life and forget that we ever did this."

I jump to my feet and grab her wrist, turning her to face me. Before I can tell myself not to do this, I cup the back of her neck and gently kiss her. The whole "smash lips together" thing really isn't my favorite, and if I did that, it wouldn't mean anything to her. It _shouldn't_ mean anything to her. When the fuck did I become so considerate of Vega's feelings?

She takes forever to respond, but when she does her hands push at my shoulders, making me wince as I pull away from the kiss. "Sorry," she murmurs, her eyes on my shoulder, like she can't even make eye contact with me. "Why…why did you kiss me?"

I shrug. "I wanted to make something clear." Her eyes meet mine. "I don't like you like that, Vega. I can't. But I don't hate you, and this isn't something that anyone should ever be harassed about, no matter how much I like bothering you. I'm not _that_ cold that I would do something like that." I sigh and let go of her. "As for everyone at school…it's none of their fucking business. If you don't want them to know, they shouldn't know. They should _have _to know."

"You're just saying that so they don't know it's you."

I laugh. "Really, Vega? You really think I would kiss you, tell you that I'm not cruel enough to insult you over your preference in teams, _and_ tell you that people don't need to know your business…just so they don't know you like _me_?" I roll my eyes. "Listen, Vega. You like me. Big deal, I'll yell it across Hollywood Arts if you want me to. I could care less if people knew that it was me you like."

Her eyes are wide and she shakes her head. "Jade, you wouldn't do that, right? Just because you don't care doesn't mean I want people thinking I'm…"

"You're what? Fuck what people think. And if anyone has anything to say about you hitting an elderly lady just tell them to fuck off. Strike fear in those fucking…" She grabbed my wrist and smiled. I smirk and lean against the wall. I don't know why I've started caring about Vega at all, even trying to make her smile, but she's going to drive me up the wall if she doesn't shut up about negative crap right now.

I realize I probably just made her like me more. Fuck.

_**Two weeks later…**_

Like I thought, Vega got off pretty easy since it was her first offense. She's sentenced to six months wearing an ankle monitor, meaning she can only leave her house to go to school and even then there's a cop watching her. People started talking behind her back, laughing at her for doing something incredibly stupid, but once I got to them they haven't said a word since. I'm not allowed to talk to her at all; the Vega family wanted to file a restraining order, but they decided against it since I'm a student at Hollywood Arts too.

Which was why they're thinking about withdrawing her.

Alright, don't get me wrong, I used to hate Tori Vega being the best at just about everything, but she's competition. It's not like I would wish for her to go away and let me take over. I've actually been thinking about her a lot in the past two weeks, ever since we got ourselves into this stupid mess. Beck pretty much broke up with me and won't talk to me, so it's not like I've got him to focus on. Andre and Cat are still around, and they're both fed up with having to choose between Tori and me to sit with at lunch. Andre even skips the entire decision process and sits with Beck. Robbie figured out that there's no reason to sit with me if there's no one else, so he just hangs around Beck.

Lunch has gotten lonely.

Sikowitz's class isn't easy either. Tori and I aren't allowed to participate in the same exercises and we can't be paired together. No one likes this any more than we do, and it's becoming frustrating. It doesn't help when I can feel Tori's eyes on me sometimes either. And yes, I look at her too. I just don't do it as often as she does because she's the one who likes me, not the other way around.

Vega has it easy compared to me.

On our court date, Vega was told she had to wear that stupid metal ankle monitor. I was let off when my father, who cares absolutely nothing for me, decided to do something about me for once in his life and had me released. I was shot in the shoulder, wasn't that enough? That's what I have to live with now, the fact that I'm not being punished the same way Vega is. I have to look at her and know that that stupid metal _thing_ on her ankle is all because of me.

Oh, and she missed that test that she was studying for.

_**Two months later…**_

I haven't said anything to Vega in two months and two weeks. I don't even know why I'm keeping count, but what I do know is that today…Today I'm going to talk to her somehow.

Alright, so maybe I'm starting to go out of my mind from being denied the permission to speak to her. I _miss_ hearing her stupid, annoying, cheerful voice when she's trying to be nice. I need to hear her voice or I'll go crazy. God, I sound like I'm obsessed or addicted to something…That's too cliché. Vega isn't my drug.

I fumble through my locker for a pair of scissors that _hasn't _been confiscated, but I don't have any. Someone pokes me between my shoulder blades and I jump, bumping my head on the top of my locker. Who the fuck would do such a thing? I turn and realize Cat is standing close, arms crossed, like she's mad or something. What the fuck does she have to be mad about? "I don't like choosing between you and Tori…" I figured as much.

"I know, Cat. You shouldn't have to. Vega's the good one. I'm just the girl who gets everyone in trouble. Haven't you heard?" It's so hard to bite out the words, and I can see by her expression that she wishes things weren't like this. "It's been two months. If I could talk to her, I would."

Cat bites her lip and glances around, taking note of Vega down the hall. Her "escort" is further down the hall, and I wonder just what the hell the redhead bouncy ball's got up her sleeve. Cat looks at me. "What would you say to Tori if you could talk to her? Would you apologize? Tell her you finally love her and you want to be with her?" I raise my brow at the last part and she giggles. "Come on, Jade, you and Tori are like that sauce from the Chinese restaurant. You're the sour and she's the sweet." I wonder where the hell this sentimental Cat came from…Then again her last name _is _Valentine…Ugh, why can't she just be the squirrel she normally is and not make any sense.

"Look, Cat, I don't…I don't like her like that. She knows I don't. But I do want to apologize to her about getting her into this mess."

She nods. "I know. That's why I'm going to help you talk to her. Go to the bathroom." I open my mouth to protest, but she closes my locker and pushes me in the direction of the girls' restroom. "Just wait here, okay?" I nod and she disappears into the busy hallway. Moments later, the door opens and none other than a certain half-Latina steps into the bathroom, glancing over her shoulder before the door closes and I move from my hiding place by the wall.

She stares at me in shock. "No, Jade, we're not supposed to…we can't…"

I shake my head. "I know, Vega. I'm not supposed to be talking to you at all. But really, what am I going to do? I've learned my lesson and I'm certainly not going to endanger you again. I want to apologize." She frowns. "I never got a chance to tell you how sorry I am. But I want you to know that I'm miserable too." I roll my eyes. "And Cat seems to think we're perfect for each other." She smirks. "She said we were like sweet and sour sauce. But Tori…I don't know if I can. I mean, after all that's happened…"

She cuts me off with her hand over my mouth. "I get it. You already told me how you feel, and I doubt it's changed in two months. As for your apology, I know. But it's not completely your fault, you know. I agreed it to go and I'm the one who punched the woman. And I know that if Trina hadn't opened her mouth, we probably wouldn't even really be talking, right? I mean, you've already apologized, so there's nothing else."

"I hate this. I hate that I can't even be sarcastic right now." She frowns at me in confusion, and I don't waste a second, pulling her close to me and kissing her gently, as if we haven't been living in Hell for the past two and a half months. But when she responds, I have to pull away. "I'm sorry…I…You should go before you get in trouble with the cop. No girl takes this long to go to the bathroom, and I'm sure he's noticed you're gone by now."

She nods and leaves the bathroom without a word, and I'm left standing there wondering what the hell I've done.


	2. Let's Just Get Over It

**Disclaimer: Never did, and I probably never will.**

**A/N: Okay, I know it's been a while since I updated this, and honestly I didn't know how to do this chapter. I haven't even touched it since I updated chapter 1, and then today, it all just came out. This chapter is a little shorter than the first one. But here it is, after like 3 weeks...**

**Enjoy.**

Chapter 2

I hate myself.

I wish I had never said yes to Jade, that I had just stayed in my room and studied for that damn test like I was supposed to. But no, Jade West just had to climb in through my window at one in the morning and tell me we were going to go have fun. Alright, so I knew we were going to do something stupid and criminal, but I _can't_ say no to Jade. There was this one time I tried to…it didn't end well. I just won't even talk about that.

I was surprised when Cat popped up next to me during class change and told me to go to the bathroom, and then she walked over to the cop and started babbling loudly about the difference between a shiv and a shank, which I have no idea how she knew anything about it. Once I was sure the cop was distracted, I went into the bathroom and found Jade. Two and a half months has gone by since I had last spoken to her, but it isn't my fault. My parents are being really strict about what I could do now, since I'm a juvenile delinquent, or so they say. I only made one bad mistake and I'm not going to do it again! Is that so hard to believe?

I leave the bathroom, the ghost of Jade's lips on mine, and find my police escort. As much as I hate this, I'm glad that Jade can't just walk up to me. But it doesn't mean I don't want to be around her. This drives me insane that we can't be, but it isn't my choice. Cat scares the hell out of me, popping up at my side. She glances at the cop. "So, Craig…"

"My name isn't Craig."

"It's not?" I block out their conversation over what the cop's name was, which is Mark, and head to Sikowitz's class. Jade's already there, sitting by herself in the back of the class. Beck, Robbie, and Andre are talking in hushed tones about something, but I ignore them. They've been jerks lately, not talking to Jade _or_ me. If they don't want to talk to us, they can go fuck themselves. Cat moves to sit in the seat next to me, but I shake my head. The redhead frowns, but she knows why. In the next five seconds, she's sitting in the back of the class with Jade, who's shocked that someone is actually sitting next to her.

Just four more months and hopefully…this thing will be off of my ankle.

Sikowitz's lesson for the day is subtext in terms of acting. I wish Jade and I were able to do this one together because then we would be able to talk without anyone knowing what we were really talking about, except maybe Cat. I don't know how she figured it out, but it was a shock when she did, mainly because she doesn't just point out things like that.

_**Two days ago…**_

"_Tori, come on…You and Jade are perfect for each other. You two are like a fat shake; you're the fluff and Jade's the brain freeze." _

_I stare at her in confusion. What the hell was she talking about? Better yet, what was a fat shake? "Okay, first of all, Cat, I don't know what you're even talking about. Jade doesn't feel that way about me, and I don't feel that way about her. And second, we're not supposed to be talking about Jade." I glance over my shoulder at Mark, who's watching Jade at her locker. My escort is actually one of my dad's best friends, which is why he's following me around. Dad didn't trust anyone else to watch after me, like I _need_ a babysitter._

_Cat rolls her eyes. "If we don't talk about Jade, then what are we supposed to talk about? I hate choosing between you and her, Tori. You're both my friends and I don't like when you're separated."_

"_Yeah, well, it's not exactly our choice to be apart like this. And if I even try to talk to her, my parents will yank me out of this school before I can even _say_ 'Hi'." Cat nods like she understands and I actually wonder if she does. _

"_So if you and Jade weren't apart like this, you would talk to her?" I shrug. "Would you tell her that you love her?"_

"_Cat, I don't…"_

_She rolls her eyes. "Fine, so you say you don't love her." She walks away and I stare after her in confusion. What the hell just happened? Does she know something I don't, or is she just being the weird Cat she always is? I have a headache._

Mark takes me home after school, much to my displeasure, and I head for the stairs to go up to my room. "Tori, can you stay down here for a moment? Your mother and I want to talk to you." Oh my god, they know about Jade and me in the bathroom. I knew that was a bad idea. I drop my backpack on the couch and sit, staring up at them. "Look, we know we may have overreacted just a little. Mark won't be watching you at school anymore." Wait, what? "You're still in trouble, but we've decided you're not in prison so you shouldn't have to feel like you are. However, you _are_ still forbidden to talk to that West girl."

"I'm not going to break the law again just by talking to her, Dad." He shoots me a stern look and I sigh. "I won't talk to her, I promise." Like hell I'll keep that promise. I _need_ to talk to Jade or I'll go insane, and no one would want to see that. Besides, we made one stupid mistake, and it isn't going to happen again. At least no one was seriously hurt. "Can I go now? Or do you want to incriminate Jade or me some more?"

My dad's jaw is clenched and I can tell that he's ready to yell at me or something, but I don't care. I'm tired of sitting here and being told what I can and can't do. Hell, I might as well go rob a bank or something. That would give them more cause to actually be angry, instead of just because I hit an elderly woman. What would my dad do, if he were in the same position? What would anyone do if someone was pointing a gun at one of their friends?

Wait, hold up. Did I call Jade a friend? When have Jade and I ever been friends, much less anything other than hateful acquaintances? I mean, I know I've always…you know what? Explanations are boring. You figure it out. My mother points toward the stairs and I grab my backpack, taking my leave and head up to my room. I can't stand when they're like this, but honestly I don't care anymore. If they're going to treat me like a criminal, fine. They'll have a criminal on their hands. I'll just give up on everything I do, just to show them how much worse I can be. _Don't do it._ And I can't, mostly because if I do I'll never be able to talk to Jade again. They'll withdraw me from Hollywood Arts and I'll end up in some stupid school where everyone wants to know the backstory of the girl who hit a woman.

I know I'm either brave or really stupid. And thanks to Jade, I know it's the latter. Ugh, why does she have to ruin my life? It's fucking ridiculous, and I didn't do a damn thing to her or anyone to deserve this. No, I just have a stupid little freaking crush on her and I _can't_ say no to her. Yeah, that's bullshit. It's not a little crush.

I toss my backpack onto my bed and sit on the edge, staring at my hands in my lap. Why do things have to be like this? Why can't I just…Why did Jade have to kiss me in the bathroom? I should have just turned and walked away. Wasn't that what I was supposed to have done? I could have tried to get over Jade, just tried to forget that we were arrested, or that Trina had told her something that I would have gladly taken to the grave and never let Jade or anyone else know what was going on in my head. But no, I just had to…it's ridiculous.

I wish I had my cell phone or something, but my parents took it from me. I doubt Jade's even tried contacting me, knowing that she can't, but if she has…What have they told her? There's a knock on my bedroom door, and I sigh angrily, wanting to be left alone to my thoughts. Opening my door, I'm nearly knocked off my feet by a flash of red. What the hell is Cat doing here?

She hops onto my bed and stares at me, her head tilted to the side like a puppy. My first thought is that she's just over here to be completely random, but I know better. This is about Jade and me, and damn it, I don't want it to be. I wish she would just forget about it and leave me alone. Jade's the last person I even want to be thinking about right now…And I've been thinking about her all this time. I just can't stop.

Cat finally speaks, and I'm not expecting it when she does. The initial shock wears off. "Your dad said I could only stay for about thirty minutes." That's more time than he'd allow anyone else, since I'm not supposed to have anyone over. Is this supposed to be the "less like prison" thing he mentioned? "So did you two talk like you were supposed to?"

"Yeah, we did, but Cat, you can't do things like that. If we had been caught, I could get in even more trouble, and I'd rather see her every day in the halls than not at all." What am I even saying, and why am I explaining this to Cat? "Besides, I think it's just best if all of us forget about everything. Jade and I are never going to happen. She has Beck. And if I talk to her, there's a chance I'll lose her anyway, so we just…Just forget it, Cat. Get over it. Jade's never going to feel the same, and it's best for me to get over it."

"Screw what's best for you. You want her, don't you? You have to fight for her." I seriously need to get used to Cat being so serious. It's definitely a change from her usual random, cute self. "Tori, if everyone did what was best for them, we'd all be miserable. Take Robbie, for example. If he got rid of Rex, he'd be completely different and let's face it, the boy is actually happy, whether he looks and acts like it or not. What about Beck? If he had just followed his parents' rules, he'd still be living under their roof and he'd never be happy, with or without Jade. And Andre…I can't think of anything for him. He's happy enough no matter what goes on. But that's beside the point. What's best for you and Jade is to stay away from each other, and actually doing that is making you both miserable." She takes a breath, and I stare at her in shock. Usually by now, she'd be going on about something her brother did, but she actually made sense without changing the topic.

"Cat, are you taking medicine or something? You're making sense."

She rolls her eyes. "I never take medicine. I just wish you and Jade would quit being so damn stubborn and do what you _want_ to do, not what's best for you. And she's not with Beck anymore. He broke up with her because she was arrested after he told her to stop doing stupid things. She wants to be with you too, she just doesn't know she does."

"And she never will. I appreciate you coming here to lecture me, but I just want to forget about it, Cat. If you talk to Jade…just let her know that I'll get over her and she won't have to worry about anything."

She stands and pouts. "You're making everything so much harder than it has to be, Tori! Why can't you just accept that you're never going to forget or get over her? It doesn't work like that, and we both know it."

I shrug. "Why are you sent hell-bent on getting us together? It doesn't make any sense, Cat. You never show anything as much attention as you are now and it's freaking me out. Just accept that nothing's going to happen and get over it. Move on. I'm already doing that, and I'm sure Jade already has, so just forget it. I'm tired of talking about Jade when I'm not even supposed to be talking about her. Just go away."

And the look on her face is like being shot in the heart. I know I messed up just by telling her to go away, but I couldn't do anything else. I can't say anything else to her because what's said is said and I can't take it back. Even if I were to say I'm sorry…I can't be forgiven. The damage is already done. She sighs. "I get it, Tori. I'm sorry I even…I'll let Jade know." And with that, she leaves, and I can hear her saying goodbye to my parents downstairs before I hear the front door open and close.

My mother pokes her head in my room. "Is everything okay? Cat looked a little upset when she left." I nod and she smiles a little before closing my bedroom door and returning downstairs.

I'm so torn up about hurting Cat like that and all I want to do is apologize, but I think it's just better if I don't talk to her for a while. Things are complicated enough, whether she or Jade are involved or not, and I can't take it anymore. I just need to be away from both of them, but if I tell my parents that, I'll be out of Hollywood Arts and that's definitely not something I want to lose. I can't go back to Sherwood and I can't leave my friends behind. Wait, what friends? The only ones who talk to me anymore are Cat and Jade, and without them, I've got no one.

Fuck it, that's what I'll have to live with now.

_**Two days later…**_

Today is Friday. Cat and Jade haven't spoken to me since Wednesday, but Jade's eyes may as well have burned holes in the back of my head yesterday in Sikowitz's class. I haven't seen either of them this morning, and I can't imagine where they would be unless they both are skipping school today. As I grab my books from my locker, I notice a folded up sheet of paper wedged between two books. How anyone got into my locker is a mystery, considering no one knows the combination.

I unfold the note to reveal the handwriting of none other than Jade West. Why she's writing me a note is beyond me, after all that's been said and done. I figure she should hate me at this point, be so disgusted with me that she can't even bear to look at me, but after staring at me all class period yesterday, I doubt that would be the case. Maybe she's just planning something to get me in even more trouble so that I _do_ get kicked out of here. Maybe that would just be easier for everyone, wouldn't it?

_Vega, what the hell was that about with Cat? She showed up at my house at three in the morning, crying about you telling her to go away. I know it happened two days ago, but I wasn't sure how to get this note to you without being near you and Cat isn't exactly best for that right now. Are you insane? You can't hurt Cat like that. She did nothing to you, and if anything, you should hate me. I hope you do because then we could get over this and everything can go back to normal._

_No, you know what? Fuck it, I'm done. I'm tired of doing what I'm supposed to. I'm tired of not being able to talk to you, and I'm tired of everything talking shit about you just because I made you do something stupid. So there's only two ways to settle this. Either we say fuck your parents and just get back to talking and being friends and possibly get you withdrawn from school because your parents are arrogant jerks that don't want you to talk to me anymore, OR we can just keep ignoring the fact that something needs to be done about this stupid bullshit._

_I think I'll let you decide. Figure it out and if nothing changes by Monday, I'll know my answer. _

I refold the paper and glance around the hallway, noticing Jade over by her locker. Knowing that I'm not supposed to approach her, I just wave the note a little when she looks in my direction, and she nods once before going back to digging in her locker. She knows I've read it, so now comes the hard part.

I have to think about it.


	3. Weekends Aren't Just to Relax

**Disclaimer: If I did, it would seriously be messed up...**

**A/N: This chapter was pretty easy to write. Maybe because of a few things that relate to what's going on in my head...maybe not. Maybe it's because I'm a lot like Jade in these situations. Maybe. Did anyone notice that every time I skip time, it's always 'two days', 'two weeks', 'two months'? I don't know why I choose the number two, but it just sounds better than any other number when counting time, doesn't it? No? Whatever. And before you read, I really dragged this chapter out because I needed to get a lot of Jade out before certain things are done.**

**Enjoy.**

Chapter 3

Why does my life have to be a living hell?

No, let me rephrase that. Why does _Vega_ have to make my life a living hell? Alright, so maybe I made her make my life hell, but that's not an excuse. I've tried to forget about her. I've told myself that it's never going to happen, that her parents will make sure she never speaks to me again, and what really makes no sense whatsoever, after I've hated the girl since she came into my life, is that I don't want that to happen. I want to be able to talk to her, to hang out with her, and you know what? Fuck Beck. If the asshole's going to break up with me for something stupid, fuck him. I don't need him. And I don't need the rest of the guys who say they're my 'friends' because they're not. If they were, they would be here, right?

But the only one who has been here is Cat, and she's been torn up since Wednesday night, when she went over to Vega's and was yelled at by the last person anyone would ever suspect to hurt Cat. That's sort of really messed up. I wouldn't even hurt Cat or yell at her. How could anyone? But I get that Vega's been a little on edge, after being arrested and sentenced to this, and then her parents are forcing her to shut me out, even though there's no way in hell we're going to get in trouble like that again. So it's Friday after school, and I'm sitting in my room with Cat, who finally told me everything that happened between her and Tori.

Vega wants to forget everything. She wants to just forget that everything happened, that we kissed, that I was the one who dragged her out of the house in the middle of the night to hit a house, which resulted in her hitting an elderly woman instead, and she just wants to forget that she has feelings for me, and that's really fucked up because she didn't even want me to know. And now that I do, she hates it. Trina can be blamed for that, for running her mouth, and I have to agree with Vega. If she hadn't said anything, I wouldn't know, and Vega and I wouldn't be in this stupid messed up friendship…or whatever you want to call it. We can't be friends, at least not the way everyone else can see.

I gave Vega a choice. Either she can forget everything, or she can just say 'fuck it' and do whatever she wants, despite the consequences. Okay, look, I know it's my fault that she's in this mess, that she's in trouble, and I _don't_ want her in any more trouble, but this is ridiculous. She just needs to get over it and fucking do something worthwhile, something she won't care if she gets in trouble for. And if that's just talking to me, I'm fine with that. I'm going crazy not talking to her, and I hate that. I used to be able to go days without talking to her, but now…now I'm stuck on talking to her because I _can't_. And I hate when I can't do something.

I direct my attention to the television, where colors are swirling around in some weird cartoon movie that Cat brought over to make herself feel better, but she's really not even watching it. She's cuddled close to me, her head on my chest and her arms around my waist. Sometimes she's like a child, and she'll be peaceful like this, clinging onto me while we watch some strange movie that I don't care too much for, mostly because the movies she brings over are rated G or something, and they're usually too childish for me. But I watch them with her until she falls asleep or something because I can sit here and think and not have to worry about hearing her talk about anything.

I sigh, knowing I'm not going to be able to get up anytime soon, not with the girl's death grip holding me down on my bed. And it's the most innocent thing in the world, simply because it's Cat. I'm still pissed off that Vega hurt her like that. It's one thing for Cat to show up on my front doorstep to hang out and be completely random, but it's another when she shows up at three in the morning, crying her eyes out and it just hurts to see her like that. And I can't incriminate Vega because she's under a lot of stress, but the fact that she was capable…it's wrong.

Because it's already dark in my room, I don't realize it's late until I glance over at my alarm clock and take in the fact that it's one in the morning. And I don't mind Cat staying the night because she usually does when she's upset, but I really need to get up. My back is stiff and I feel like I've been pounded down to a small size with a hammer. The girl would be able to sleep through an earthquake, so it'd be no problem actually getting out of the bed. There's just the small matter that her arms are crushing me. Seriously, the girl's size is deceiving. She's not as weak as she looks.

I manage to pry her arms from around my waist, taking a deep breath and wincing from the discomfort, before slipping out of bed and heading downstairs to the kitchen. I haven't eaten since school, and Cat wasn't hungry enough to make popcorn or anything for, so we just didn't eat. I notice Cat's cell phone is on the counter in the kitchen, left there from when we came into the house, and I wonder why she left it down here instead of taking it upstairs to my room with her. Unlocking it, I notice she only has one text message and raise my brow at the sender. I know I shouldn't do this because it's an invasion of Cat's privacy, but I want to know why Vega texted her.

_Cat, I'm really sorry for the other night. Please forgive me._

Of course Vega would be unable to live with herself if she didn't apologize to Cat, and Cat would forgive her, and that would be that. That's just how Vega and Cat work, and it's disgustingly sweet. But what's even more disgusting is that I can't stay away from either one. I mark the message as unread and lock the phone, setting it back on the counter. Cat will see it when she uses her phone in the morning, but for now, Vega's going to have to wait.

Opening the fridge, I grab sandwich ingredients and make two sandwiches, in the off-chance that Cat will actually be awake and hungry enough in the next few minutes to eat. I'm usually not one to do anything for someone else, but Cat is the exception, and I mean the _only_ exception to that. With the plate in one hand and two sodas hooked between my fingers, I head up the stairs to my room to find the lamp turned on next to my bed on the table. My bed is empty, meaning Cat probably went down the hall to the bathroom.

I'm halfway through my sandwich when she returns, half-asleep, and takes the other sandwich. I open both sodas and hand her one, and she murmurs her thanks while taking a bite of her late night snack. Some people think that when Cat has sugar she'll become a hundred times more hyper than usual. That really does depend on how she already feels, like now. In her tired state, upset as she was, she won't be too bad, and she'll probably end up going right back to sleep. But if she's bubbly or happy about something and has sugar, she'll probably end up bouncing off the walls. People just don't understand her, and I don't think they even try, to be honest.

She glances at the clock before looking to me questionably. I nod, letting her know she can stay, and she smiles faintly before finishing her sandwich. This isn't a time for talking, not right now when we're both enjoying the silence. There's a quiet crash, and it almost scares the hell out of us until we remember the movie playing on the TV. At least I had turned it down a while ago so that I could think without listening to the slamming and crashing going on. Seriously, why are some cartoons so violent and _still_ rated G? That makes, like, no sense.

We end up watching another movie, this time Cat staying awake for the entire thing, and she finally gives up on movies around three thirty. I turn the TV off and she curls against me, this time her grip loose and not crushing me. She's asleep within minutes, but I'm stuck awake, wondering what Vega's final choice is going to be. Knowing her, she'll be the good girl and just ignore everything, and I'll lose her. She's a goody two-shoes, and it can't be helped. Well, it could be, but let's just say that's already been tried and we're both suffering from the consequences.

I don't remember going to sleep, but Cat is gone when I wake up around nine, and I sigh, wondering if she went home. It's always a game of chance when I wake up after Cat stays the night because sometimes she actually will be completely gone from the house in the morning, or she'll be downstairs in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal or something. Honestly, I don't know why the girl doesn't just move in. She knows this house almost as well as I do, and my father never complains about her when they're both here at the same time. For a man who hates what I want to do with my life, he seems to accept Cat pretty well, plus he never says anything bad about her, whether she's here or not.

I change my clothes and straighten my hair before I go downstairs. I'm unsurprised by Cat's position at the kitchen table, bent over a bowl of cereal while watching Saturday cartoons, and I can't help but smile while I pour my own bowl of milk and cereal, sitting next to her. She doesn't speak at first, nor does she look at me, and I know she'll wait until the first commercial before she will. And judging by the clock, that should be any minute now.

I manage a few spoons of cereal before she turns to face me. And I know what she'll say. She saw her phone as soon as she came down here this morning and she wants to tell me that Vega apologized to her. I already know that, but I can't let her know that I already saw the text message. "Tori apologized this morning," she says, just like I knew she would.

I nod, trying to pass off nonchalance. Right now I really don't want to talk about Vega, but she's going to make me, and she's going to wonder if I'm going to do anything about the way I feel about her. I have to wonder _why_ Cat's being like this. She usually gets over something in a few hours, days at most, but this has been going on for a while. She just hasn't been so strong about it until now and it's kind of scary. "And what did you say? Do you forgive her?"

Cat bites her bottom lip and looks down at her bowl of mostly milk. That look can't be good, not on Cat's face. "I called her back and told her that I forgive her, but I told her that I'm not going to talk to her again until she talks to you." She said _what_? Cat sighs. "Don't look at me like that, Jade. You two need to talk, and at this point I don't care if you do get together or whatever, but you need to talk. At least do that much."

"Why should I talk to her?" I ask her, and I really don't know what she wants me to say. I'm so tired of ignoring and being ignored when it comes to Vega, and I agree with Cat that I need to talk to her, but I won't let Cat know that. "What do you want me to say to her, Cat? I'm pretty sure she's not going to talk to me because I know the way she is. She's too afraid to get into any more trouble, and she'll do what her parents say. She'll do anything to avoid leaving Hollywood Arts."

The red-headed girl stares at me with a frown. She knows I'm right, she has to, because we both know that Tori Vega will do anything to avoid getting in trouble again, even if she has to be absolutely miserable. "Why don't you just talk to her, Jade?"

"I gave her a choice, Cat. I told her to tell me on Monday what her choice is. So…just give us until then. Everything is up to her now." And it really is because I'm not going to force her to do anything. I just have to live with whatever she decides to do.

_**Two days later…**_

It's five o'clock Monday morning and Cat stayed all weekend at my house. She hasn't mentioned anything about Vega at all since Saturday morning, except a possible hint last night, but it was so vague and she didn't use Vega's name, so it's possible she was just talking about the show we were watching. I'm pretty messed up, if I'm associating everything I hear with Tori Vega. Cat's still sleeping in my bed, whereas I'm sitting at my desk, writing some random note for Vega, although I don't know why, but it makes me sound like some bored, lovesick teenager that wants to be with her.

God, what's wrong with me? I just want to talk to the damn girl, not confess any feelings for her. And what if I do? What if I slip up and say some stupid thing that I'm thinking right now. That could ruin everything, especially since I told her to get over me. Well, that doesn't matter anymore anyway because Cat's already told her that we belong together or some weird thing, maybe even used that sweet and sour sauce analogy she used with me.

Why am I even thinking about this? I should be focused on school and what's going to happen when I get there. Is Vega going to tell me she's just going to ignore everything, she's going to get over me, and she'll never talk to me again? Or is she going to tell me she's going to ignore what her parents _want _her to do and actually do what she wants for herself? I shouldn't be nervous about this, but for some reason I am.

Maybe I'm only doing this because I feel bad that Vega has to deal with consequences from my initial actions. Maybe I actually do care and I'm listening to Cat's strangely rational advice that I have no idea how she was able to give. Or maybe…maybe I'm just stupid and this is some stupid joke. Maybe it's nothing and I'm just thinking too much into everything.

Cat stirs on the bed and I glance over my shoulder at her. She sits up and stares sleepily at me through the dim light from my lamp in front of me before rubbing her eyes. She glances at the clock. "Jade, what are you doing awake so early? We don't have to get up for another two hours. Is everything alright? One time my brother…" And the regular Cat is back. I'm lost, catching bits and pieces of what she's saying, until she giggles and tilts her head at me. Where has this Cat been hiding? "What are you doing, Jade?"

"I'm trying to figure out if you're okay. You're normal again." She beams and breaks into some story about how she's feeling better, which leads into a story about how when her brother was feeling better…Yeah, I'm just as confused as I was five minutes ago. "I couldn't sleep," I say once I'm sure she's done talking. "I had a weird dream so I've just been sitting here for the past hour. Why don't you go back to sleep and rest until seven? I'll wake you up."

She nods and lies back down, pulling the blanket under her chin. Cat really is adorable, but if she stays up, she'll whip up a storm at school and no one wants to deal with that Cat. Believe me, it's not a pretty sight. She crashes just like an energy drink if she doesn't get enough sleep. I finish the note I'm writing at fifteen to seven and go head downstairs to the backyard with a lighter in one hand. Vega won't ever see this because I don't want it known that I ever wrote it. I just needed something to do to get my mind off of things, even though writing a note certainly isn't the best way, but this was nothing. Holding the note away from me, I flick the lighter and bring the flame to the corner of the note.

"Jade, what are you doing?" I jump, burning my thumb with the lighter and curse, dropping the note and the lighter and turning to face Cat, who's dressed for school. I would ask her why she's down here, but she answers before I have the chance. "I woke up and you weren't in the room, so I got dressed and came downstairs because I thought you were eating, but you weren't, so I looked through the whole house, and you're back here, and is that a lighter? Why do you have a lighter? Oh no, you're thumb is blistering! Did you burn yourself?"

She grabs my wrist, going on about burns and blisters and as soon as she sticks my thumb under the cold water in the kitchen sink, I bite my lip hard to keep from showing any sign of pain. Normally pain's my thing, but Cat doesn't like it so I don't do it in front of her. She doesn't understand why I like it so much. She points toward the stairs like a mother, and I oblige, heading upstairs.

In a matter of thirty minutes, I'm driving the both of us to school, a bandage around my thumb for Cat's sake and my displeasure, and we head inside to our lockers. But as soon as I reach mine, I remember something about this morning. Something about Vega standing at her locker, glancing in my direction, made me remember, and I freeze with my hand on my combination lock. When I had gone upstairs after burning my thumb, Cat had stayed downstairs for ten minutes. She knew what I was doing. And I didn't bother to check before we came to school.

Cat doesn't know what that note said…does she?


	4. Letters and Making Plans

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but a bag of potato chips. And a lighter. I love that lighter..**

**A/N: For once I don't know what to say here...**

**Enjoy.**

Chapter 4

Jade's been acting strange this morning. She wanted to know my answer today at school, but it's like she's been avoiding me, and she keeps glancing at Cat like she wants to talk to her about something. It's none of my business, but that doesn't mean I'm not curious. I lean against the wall outside of Sikowitz's class and wait for Jade, hoping she'll be alone. And she is, silent as I drag her by the wrist to the janitor's closet. I close the door behind us, and she stands there, arms crossed, looking at me as if she doesn't know what to say or how to act. "Jade, look…"

"What, Vega? What do you want?" Why is she so hostile today? I mean, I've always expected it from her, but this is just…this isn't normal Jade West behavior. It's like she doesn't want to talk to me, like she doesn't want to hear what I've decided, and I don't want to tell her if she'll be like this. She shakes her head and looks away. "Has Cat talked to you today?"

I shake my head. "No, she hasn't. Is something wrong?" She rolls her eyes. "Fine, Jade, if you're not going to talk to me, just forget it." I turn away from her and move to open the door, but her hand stops mine on the doorknob. "Jade…just forget it. You obviously don't want to talk about it." I notice the difference in her thumb on my hand and look down. She's got a bandage around her thumb, and now I'm really curious about what's going on with her.

She seems to read my mind. "I burned my thumb this morning. Cat scared the hell out of me." She sighs. "It's not that I don't want to talk to you because I do. It's just that…I really need to talk to Cat about something, about something I can't talk to you about." Her eyes meet mine briefly before she looks away. It has something to do with me. "Come on, we need to get to class. Just tell me what you decided later." I nod and she cups my cheek before reluctantly pulling away and opening the door.

She almost kissed me again. I follow her to Sikowitz's class and she sits next to Cat, whispering to her almost as soon as she sits down. I sit in the back, aware that Andre and Beck are speaking in hushed tones, probably about Jade or me. I hate them right now, and I never hate anyone, especially not the guys I thought were my friends.

Sikowitz's class is over soon and Jade and Cat separate. Cat isn't talking to me until I talk to Jade, and I know I need to do that, but it catches me off-guard when Jade grabs my wrist and pulls me into the janitor's closet. She stands a few feet away from me, arms crossed, and stares at me. "So you've decided what you want to do?"

I nod, unsure of myself now. I've tried so hard to get over her, to just forget everything, but this weekend has been hell. I spent two days locked in my room, wondering what the hell was going through Jade's head, and I couldn't get over her. That only left one decision. "I'm not losing you," I tell her, and she nods. "I'm tired of people telling me what to do, what I should do, what I need to do…I want to do what _I_ want to do. And if they have a problem with that, they can get over it."

"What do you want to do now then?"

I shrug. Honestly, I don't know what I want to do right now because I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'll be pulled out of school, forced to leave Jade and Cat behind. I don't care about the guys at this point because let's face it…they're being assholes. But I can't go on without being able to talk to Jade. I need that. I need this, being here in the janitor's closet and being able to talk without having to look over my shoulder and know that I'm being watched at every fucking second of the day. It's ridiculous.

We step out into the hall with minimal physical contact. It's like we'll both be burned if we touch for even a second. It would be too much to handle, the chance that we won't be able to stop once we start anything, and it's something I don't understand. Maybe it would be better if I left, if I put distance between us. I head for my locker and she goes to hers, and I find a note sitting on top of my books. Did she put it in there? We were just talking…

I unfold the note, very aware that she's watching me right now with a look I've only seen on her face once. She's scared to death. Is it from her? Did she put it here? Why would she look so afraid if she did? That wouldn't make any sense, would it? Unless she's realized that she shouldn't have put it in my locker. I notice black ridges on the edge of the paper, as if someone had tried to…Jade said her thumb was burned. Was she trying to dispose of it?

_Vega, look, I'm sorry I got you into this bullshit mess and I hate myself for it. Honestly, I wish I had never dragged you out to that house and I wish none of this had ever happened. It was a stupid mistake, and I know that I never apologize for anything, but I'm sorry. I've fucked up your life far worse than anyone else. But you've fucked mine up too. Ever since you've gotten here, it's been like a fucking competition, and I hate to lose. You keep winning at everything and strut around like you're the best person here. I don't give a shit if you are or not. It isn't fair._

_I'm not going to sit here and tell you everything that's wrong with you. If you don't know that by now, maybe someone should hit you in the face with a shovel and you'd know. You know what, I don't even know why I'm writing this fucking letter to you. It's not like I'd even give the damn thing to you because I'm not going to. I just can't sleep because you're constantly worming yourself into my head and making everything impossible. _

_I blame you for everything. I hate you for being so fucking perfect and getting everything you want. I hate you for your stupid amazing voice that I can't get out of my head and want to hear every time you open your mouth. I hate you for every little thing you do, everything you say, every little fucking thing because it drives me insane that I can't even think when I'm around you. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being so sick of you, of wanting so much more than just having you around and it fucking pisses me off that you don't even notice._

I glance at Jade, who at this point is sitting against the lockers, staring at her knees. I really wasn't supposed to be reading this, was I?

_No, you don't even notice. You're always so busy being so damn perfect and getting everything you want and what about me? I'm stuck here in the shadows, waiting for you to fall, and I'm beginning to think I have to trip you myself. Is that what it's going to take? I hate you. Honestly, I do. But I just…I fucking hate it. I hate you, I hate me. I hate everything._

_So tell me, Vega. Tell me how you can be so goddamn perfect and try to pretend like you don't have feelings for me, when your damn annoying sister already blew that secret while we were sitting in a fucking cell, all because of me. Are you some siren? Do you use that voice of yours to lure in the rest of us so we wreck and meet our impending doom? It isn't fair. You can't just do that._

_Alright, you know what? I'm done. I'm tired of writing this. I should be sleeping, but instead my head is filled with you and how much I hate you and it's driving me insane. I wish I could just tell my head to shut up, but it won't listen to me. Do you see what you've done? You've turned even my own mind against me. Are you fucking happy now? _

_Because in the end, there's only one person to blame and that person's you. I'm so tired of being blamed, even when everything is my fault, but this…This is something else entirely. This isn't something that _I_ can be blamed for. No, this is your fault. If the world ends tomorrow, it's your fault. Do you want to know why? _

_You make the world crumble at your feet, just by speaking. All you have to do is say 'hi' in that annoyingly cheerful voice and you have everyone by the throat, waiting for the final blow. And you keep them waiting, wondering if you'll let them survive, but you don't. You keep luring them in until they crash, and they'll never know what happened. _

_And what do you do then? You act all innocent and pretend nothing is ever wrong. No, what's worse than pretending is fixing it. Nothing is ever your fault, at least not to you, and it's all because you think you can fix it. It's sickening. Why couldn't you be a normal person and just…Why do I love you?_

I look to Jade, whose eyes lock with mine in the fiercest silence, and I can't stop rereading the letter in my head. If I wasn't meant to read this, then why was it in my locker where I could find it? Had she really tried to burn it? Why didn't she want me to read something she had probably spent a few hours writing, something she had tried to destroy? Was all of this so disgusting to her that she had to rid herself of it?

"Is this how you really feel, Jade? If it is, why do you bother coming around me? Why do you keep cornering me and making me choose? Is this all some game to you, one that you don't even want to play? Or are you the puppeteer and you're just pissed off that this puppet isn't moving with the strings?" Did I just call myself a puppet? I don't care.

"Look, Tori, I just…yeah, it was how I felt, but I was tired. I stayed up all night because I was mad that I couldn't sleep, and then Cat woke up, and she wanted to know what I was doing. But when I went to burn the damn thing because I didn't want you to ever know, Cat scared the hell out of me and I ended up burning myself. She found the letter and she put it in your locker, even though I begged her not to. I had no intention of you ever reading it, Tori, and I'm sorry."

I refold the note and return it to her. She shoves the note into her pocket and her eyes meet mine again, but she doesn't speak. She wants me to, but I don't know what to say. I sigh. "Look, Jade, it isn't even really about the note or what you wrote. It's just…why didn't you just tell me how you felt? Then you wouldn't have tried to burn some stupid piece of paper and ended up burning yourself." I think about that statement. If you try to hide something, you're just going to get burned.

Does she really think I'm a siren? What is this, the Odyssey? I don't shipwreck crews on rocks in the middle of nowhere by singing some song that makes people forget how to think…Do I? I mentally shake my head. I'm not a mythological creature like Jade seems to think I am. On the bright side, she didn't compare me to Medusa…I don't think I could live with that one. If anything, she's like Medusa, petrifying people with her stare and turning them to cowards of stone.

I don't know what she wants from me. I've saved her life, gotten arrested for her, avoided her so I could still be able to see her every day, even decided that I'm going to put it all on the line, and for what? She hates me. She hates everything about me, so why do I still try? Why am I still here with her if it doesn't even mean the same for her that it does for me? I'll never understand, no matter how many times I try to get into her head. I guess I should just start pretending I never read the note and keep acting as though we're not dealing with issues.

Cat bounces down the hallway toward us, and Jade reaches out to grab her arm. Cat grins. "Hey, Jade. Hey, Tori. Did you guys talk?" Jade rolls her eyes and I nod. "Good! I think we should all go get ice cream after…"

I shake my head. As much as I would love to go and get ice cream with Cat and Jade after school or any other time, I haven't forgotten that I'm on a strict school-home system as long as I have this stupid device strapped to my ankle. Jade frowns apologetically, but Cat doesn't notice. She's gone off in some other direction about what her brother did the other day or something involving ice cream. It's weird having her back to this. "Cat, I can't go anywhere except home and school."

She stares at me and I can almost see the gears turning in her head. Finally, I assume, she forms a solution and grins. "Then Jade and I will bring the ice cream to you! Then you can eat ice cream with both of us…" Jade and I exchange a glance. How in the hell would we get Jade into the house if my parents are already wishing they had a restraining order against her? Then it clicks. There's a tree outside of my window, the same one she climbed up to my room to drag me out of the house. She smirks, apparently thinking the same thing as me.

"That's a good idea, Cat. You come in through the front door. Jade, how do you feel about jumping a fence or two?" Jade shrugs, but she knows she'll have to. Even if my parents were to leave the house, they would have neighbors watching the place like a hawk and no one lives in the house behind us and the families on either side of us are on vacation or work until late at night. I would know…They're not exactly silent when they come home at three in the morning. The only think that would be left would be to make sure my parents and Trina don't walk into my room while Jade's in plain view on the branch.

I smile at Cat. "Yay, we're going to have so much fun!" We watch as she bounces away, and I sigh, rolling my eyes. Just as long as Cat doesn't give it away, we'll be perfectly fine, but I'm beginning to wonder why she's her usual self again, after being this deep and sentimental girl she's been the past…I've lost track of time. Either way, it's not important. I've got plans with Jade and Cat after school, and I won't even be able to get in trouble for it.

Jade smirks at me. "Do you really think this is going to work?" I shrug. We need it to work because I'm so tired of this, of being forced to suffer alone without Jade or without Cat.


End file.
